Love & Hate

I don't really want to write this post, because I'm not really ready to live it out just yet... but I thought someone else besides me would maybe need a good kick in the pants today.

This morning I stumbled upon this article from Desiring God by Francis Chan, Marriage on the Edge of Eternity. I started reading it, began to feel convicted, and willed my eyes to keep reading, my brain to keep processing. [And yes, you have to read it too, if you want any of what follows to make an iota of sense. Married or not, it applies to all of life and is definitely worth a read.]

So, after reading this pants-kicking article, I did what I usually do in these cases and e-mailed it on to the hubs. [He says he appreciates this, which I just want to bless his soul for, because sharing information is one of my love languages I think.] So I sent him the link along with the following comment...

I both love and hate this... love because I know it's true and what we should be aiming for, hate because it means it's gonna be hard and we have to give up stuff I want. Love because it's the highest calling we could ever have, hate because I just don't feel like I'm at the point of really wanting it yet. Love because I know it will be more fulfilling than anything else in life, hate because it doesn't seem fulfilling right now. Love because it means obeying Jesus, hate because it means denying my flesh. Ugh.

And he replied, in quick, Loverboy fashion...

Preach it!  It's never easy to do what God wants us to do. It's easiest to be selfish. It's hard to obey and enter the battle. Let's pray for Christ to change our desires. Let's pray for boldness and courage to join the battle. Thanks for the article! I love you babe!

And then I melted inside a little bit because that's the best response ever. Of course he points us to prayer (like he does all. the. time. Seriously, if ever one of us suggests we go to God in prayer for an issue, it is like 95% of the time him. Thanks, God, for this man who likes to come to you, and drag take me along with him).

So all that to say, I both love and hate the idea of being in a war. But I guess in the long run, it doesn't really matter, since reality is that we are in one. My spirit's desires are so different than my fleshly ones, and really that's a war in itself—to have the spirit win out. But so often I follow my fleshly desires and I give in to that idea that Chan puts so perfectly—"You have contractors installing better windows so you can tune out all of the noise."

I pray that I don't live my life like that—ignoring the noise of the battle outside my windows. I want to engage in the battle, but it's never as simple as that, because like I said, I both love and hate this idea. Oh Jesus, please change my desires.

Let me end this with the ending of Chan's article (because, let's be honest, it's far better than anything I could leave you with).

"Being in war together may be what keeps us from being at war with each other. Rather than neglecting the battle to work on your marriage, maybe the best thing for your marriage is to enter the battlefield together."

//photos via Availeth Photography