On Dreams & Fear

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Dreaming is scary. (The awake kind of dreaming about the future and your hopes and goals... although sleeping dreaming can also be scary! But I'm here to talk about the awake kind.) I guess the actual dreaming itself isn't too bad. In fact, that part is kind of fun! It's the acting on those dreams that involves risk, putting yourself out there, and the possibility of failure. Taking steps to make your dreams a reality is the real scary part. It's the part that induces fear and worry and anxiety. Because what if your dream doesn't work? What if people think it's silly? What if you fall flat on your face?

But, as my husband so gently reminded me last night, if you don't try, you'll never know. If you don't take those scary steps, don't risk a little, you'll never know if that dream could be a reality. And that's almost more scary than the fear of failure.

I don't want to look back on my life with a bunch of "what ifs." I don't want to have to wonder if things could have been different if only I had tried, if only I had risked. I want to put the work into acting on my dreams, and if I fall flat on my face, so be it. And yeah, there may not be a complete lack of fear, but who ever said there was anything wrong with just doing it afraid?

And after all, fear is just a lie.

Love=Inconvenience

I love this quote so much that I've actually entertained thoughts of getting it tattooed on my body (I'm not going to... but...). 

It sums up so well what everyday love looks like. It takes out the gushy feelings and the prerequisite of liking someone to love them. It shows that love is an action, a choice. Love has to do with me and how I act and what I do, not with how the other person makes me feel. It has to do with my response to situations, not the situations themselves. 

Love is serving when I don't feel like it, love is going out of my way to help another, love is inconveniencing myself for the sake of someone else. 

Easter is right around the corner, and if there's any greater example of how love is inconvenient, I don't know it. Jesus died and rose again for you, for me. He didn't do it because it was the convenient, easy thing to do. He didn't do it because we were so lovely and wonderful and created all these gushy feeling in Him. 

He did it because He loves us so much that He was willing to serve, go out of His way, inconvenience Himself, and ultimately sacrifice His life for us. He did it because His Father loves us so much that He was willing to send His only Son to save us, wretched sinners that we are. 1 John 4:10 puts it this way—

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

God sacrificed His Son, Jesus sacrificed His life. Both were enormous inconveniences, and both showed us their love. Both sacrifices have made a way for us to have new life and eternal relationship with our Maker.

This Easter, I'm thankful that God didn't only love us when it was convenient. I'm thankful that Jesus ultimately said "Not my will, but yours be done" in that garden so long ago. I'm thankful that we have the highest example of love as inconvenience. I'm thankful that I don't have to try and love like that in my own power.

I'm thankful that Jesus came to earth, lived a sinless life, died on the cross to carry my sin and shame, rose again three days later, ascended to heaven where He now sits at the right hand of God, and invites me into relationship with Him and offers me eternal life. And the offer and invitation are for any who would receive it!  But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12). We can trust Him, because He is worthy of our trust. He loves us beyond measure!

On Feeling Inadequate

Lately I've been feeling rather inadequate. Inadequate to be a loving wife. Inadequate to lead ministry. Inadequate to follow Christ well. And it's pretty easy to get down on myself, until God's Word shines light into the darkness and I see that feeling inadequate is actually a really, really good thing when you have a more-than-adequate God. Check it out—Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. (2 Corinthians 3:5) 

I really like how one commentary sums it up: There is nothing in us that allows us to claim that we are capable of doing this work. In other words, I can never claim the glory because there is nothing in me that makes me capable, except Christ working in me... so Christ always gets the glory. And there is never any reason that I should believe that I can do life on my own. There is never any reason to believe that I don't need God working in me, that I don't need His ever-present power and strength.

God is writing the story of my life—and I'm so grateful that He is. Because if I was writing it I would always be confident and adequate and capable—never lacking anything. I would be able to do it all on my own. But then I wouldn't ever have to rely and depend on Christ. His strength would never be made perfect in my weakness. He would never get the glory. And a story like that—it honestly doesn't sound like a very good story. In fact, a story without an all-powerful God working His power through weak, inadequate human beings wouldn't even be a story worth reading. 

So next time you find yourself feeling inadequate, rather than beating yourself up over it, why not invite God to work through your inadequacies? Why not ask Him to show up in big ways and be your all-sufficient power? Acknowledge that His strength is made perfect in your weaknesses, and allow Him to get the glory for any work in your life—because He's the one who did the work in the first place, and He will continue it on until completion. What a good God we serve!

5 Tips for Success (from the successful)

In a recent Relevant article titled "What I Wish I Knew When I Was 27" ten entrepreneurs, go-getters, and leaders shared pieces of wisdom and advice for their 27 year old selves. Seeing as 27 isn't too far away for me, I soaked up their words and wanted to share some of my favorites with you.

"God is far more interested in doing a work in you before He does anything through you. Nothing is wasted. He is always preparing you for what He has prepared for you." —Christine Caine


"Forget the numbers in your work and focus on the net value. The Internet age may try to sell you something different, but don’t ever forget that viral is closely associated with sickness. ... And whatever you do, make it a regular practice to retreat to the “back side of the wilderness.” Because when you do not need to be seen or heard—you can see and hear in desperately needed ways." —Ann Voskamp


"Your identity is hidden with Christ in God. Lean on Him—and work to be excellent at whatever He puts in your heart, no matter how outrageous or crazy it feels." —John Sowers


"Don’t be in a hurry. Slow down and allow God to develop a deep trust in Him. The key to living in over your head, called beyond your capacity, is to trust God with all of your heart. Trust is required for long-term health and sustainability in all you are called to." —Banning Liebscher


"We lift up success in America because of the American Dream. That’s not a bad thing, but if not submitted to Christ, it will poison you." —Tyler Merrick

Make sure to check out the rest of the article. It's good stuff. Then, once you're sufficiently inspired, get after it (whatever your "it" may be!).

Just Say It

I can be awkward with words. As far as love languages go, words are near the bottom for me. I can have a hard time expressing love, comfort, appreciation, and gratitude through words. (I personally think it all started when I was a toddler and would grunt and point at what I wanted and my sisters would oblige and thus crippled me for life. JK, sorta...)

So when I married a man that had words at the top of his love language list (like many men do), I was like... uhhhhhh. Anyone else there with me? 

But I feel like this is something that I have definitely been growing in—how to not be as awkward about affirming this guy of mine, or at least pushing through the awkwardness and just saying it anyway. 

So today, when I stumbled across this article on 24 honest phrases we need to say to each other more often I felt like I had struck gold (or found that killer high-end brand-name score at the thrift store... ya know, to each his own).

So things like "I don't know what to say, but I'm here" and "what can I do to support you?" and "I disagree but I still love you" are like little nuggets of awesome thrift-store finds for my vocabulary. They help me see that loving, affirming, comforting, they don't have to be awkward, but instead can be super simple phrases that mean a lot to the people that I say them to.

So next time that I'm not sure what to say, or feel like my words don't mean that much, I'm going to try some of these phrases. I'm going to be honest with how I'm feeling and just say it—awkward or not.

When One Person's Sacrifice is Another Person's Suffering

"Do you hate me for recruiting your parents?" I laughed a little at this preposterous question posed by a friend at a potluck on Saturday night, but then quickly reassured her that I didn't, because even though it was a preposterous question, it was at the same time plausible. You see, I didn't know her at the time, but this friend recruited my parents to move to Mongolia for a couple years while I was in college. 

The first time that Loverboy and I walked into our Sunday School class as brand-spankin-new-lyweds, I was approached with a warm smile by this woman who quickly asked if I was Pam Block's daughter. Guilty! (This has happened multiple times—my mom or I will be out and about and some stranger (who knows the other one of us) asks if we are related. Spittin' image right here!)

So after fessing up to being Pam's daughter, we made the connection that she had recruited my parents to move to Mongolia a few years back and we laughed at how small the world really is. Since then we've maybe mentioned this connection a time or two and I've caught her up a bit on my family's life, but it wasn't until this past Saturday that I really got the chance to process with her. 

As I reassured her that, no, I did not hate her, I also shared how that was a really hard part of my life and I really missed my parents while they were gone. I shared how there was a season of tears and deep sorrow as I prepared for them to move to the other side of the world. But I also got to share of God's faithfulness during those years and how I learned to depend on Him throughout the experience. I shared how those years are now a big part of my testimony of seeing God work through tough circumstances. 

It was a sweet time of sharing and hearing about her heart as she recruited my parents (and subsequently little brother who was in high school at the time). It was sweet to hear how she worried about us. She talked about how often, one person's sacrifice is another person's suffering. When my parents chose to move to Mongolia, they were sacrificing much to do so, but it also led to the suffering of the family they left behind. 

And at the time, that suffering was hard and bitter. But looking back, I know that Jesus has taken that bitterness and turned it sweet. He has taken the short suffering and turned it into eternal joy for those that were able to hear the Good News while my parents were there. He has taken the suffering of one small family, and multiplied it into gladness for a much larger family—HIS family. 

So do I hate her for recruiting my parents? Of course not! Yes, at the time it was hard. Yes, at the time I wanted them to stay. Yes, at the time I couldn't see why they would leave. But after years of seeing God's work not only in my life and the lives of my family, but in the lives of Mongolians that otherwise might not have heard about Jesus, I can confidently say that the suffering was worth it. And I know that one day in heaven I will meet Mongolians who will take one look at me and ask—"Are you Pam Block's daughter?" 

Gratitude Leads to Generosity

Comparison can be an ugly thing. When I'm looking at what I have compared to someone who is "better off" than I (in the worldly sense), I become consumed with envy and jealousy. I think "woe is me, why can't I have that or look like that or live there?!" However, when I look at what I have compared to someone who is "worse off" than I, I notice that my attitude changes. Rather than becoming envious, I become grateful. I thank God for what He has given me and am grateful for what I have. I am given a different perspective. Gratitude wipes out comparison and instead leads to generosity.

I become freed up to take those who are experiencing far worse days, smaller bank accounts (or no bank account at all), sickness and death, little to no earthly possessions, injustice and violence, and lift them up to our heavenly Father who hears my prayers and who can actually do something about it. And then I can do something about it. I can give generously to those who are in need, because I have seen how generous God has been to me. I can give generously because I have experienced deep gratitude at what God has given me. 

And I'm not just talking about gratitude over the job and house and husband and friends and things that God has given me, although all those things are from His hands. I'm talking about deep gratitude for something that is of far more worth and value—namely a relationship with and faith in Jesus that results in a full life now and eternal life after life on this earth. I can experience deep gratitude to God for saving me from my sinful self and giving me a new heart... one that desires to follow Him. I am grateful that He has given me a hope for the future, as well as strength to face today. And this gratitude, it flows out into generosity towards others. If I have been given much, why would I not also give much to others?

But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. —1 Chronicles 29:1

Gratitude is the key that unlocks generosity in our hearts. It is the spark that lights the fire of giving in our lives. It is the cause of joy. It is the outpouring of God's blessings. It is the multiplication of His gifts. Gratitude makes generosity possible.

So next time I feel comparison creeping in, I'm going to choose to focus on all the ways that God has blessed me—both with His grace by saving me, and with earthly blessings—and choose gratitude. I will ask "who am I, that I should be able to give as generously as this?" and then I will give. I will have open hands, and an open heart. Lord, will you make this true in my life? Will you help me to be grateful and generous?

To see more thoughts on generosity, here's a previous post on giving "responsibly."

When Anxiety Gets the Best of You

I'm not normally one who is burdened with excessive amounts of anxiety. I'm usually a pretty happy-go-lucky, we'll-cross-that-bridge-when-we-get-there kinda gal. But there are times—hours, days, weeks, seasons—that I find myself overcome with anxiety. And this past week just so happened to be one of them.

You see, these past few months have felt a bit like limbo. Nothing too extreme was happening in our lives, there wasn't much change, and we were waiting on what felt like a hundred things that just needed time. 

And then this week happened. Let's just say that each day has brought about some big change, decision, or stressor—from overseas trips, to housing situations, to future career goals, to phone calls with pharmacists and doctors—it's been one crazy week.

But it's also been one wonderful week. I have seen God answer our repeated prayers from the last months. I have seen Him provide. I have felt His comfort and peace as I have cried out to Him for guidance and strength.

I was again reminded that God is the only one who can give complete peace amidst anxiety-inducing circumstances. I was ushered into His presence where I experienced His grace. He did not leave me alone. He was right there, guiding, comforting, speaking words of truth and wisdom. All I had to do was ask.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

—Philippians 4:6–7

God can guard our hearts and our minds against anxiety, if only we ask Him, if only we lay before Him our desires, fears, anxieties, requests, longings. When we give it all to Him, He gives to us, in return, His peace, which surpasses all understanding. That's a pretty good trade, if you ask me.

So if you're starting to feel that anxiety creep in—that feeling of tightness in your chest, or shortness of breath, or being on the verge of tears—turn to Him! Turn to the only one who can fully remove that anxiety and replace it with unspeakable peace.

Freedom

Ready is for people who trust in themselves,
Who want to live small & safe lives. 

Freedom is for people who trust in the One who made them,
Who want to live lives too big to be ready for. —Abigail Green

I want to live now, in freedom and abandon, not waiting until I'm "ready." Because in reality, I'm never really going to be ready for the big things that God will ask of me. I'm never going to be ready for them, because He wants me to rely on Him in them. Freedom. Freedom is allowing God to do what He will in your life and saying yes to what He asks, regardless of whether you feel ready or not. I don't want to live small and safe. I want to live free in Him.

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Discipline or Regret... or Not?

Do you ever have days where you just feel like you were so undisciplined, or lazy, or didn't get done what you wanted to? I do. And I had one recently. And it led to a whole lot of regret. It led to anxiety. It led to beating myself up and feeling like I had made all the wrong choices. It made me long for time travel (come on smart, science-y husband!). But seriously, I had a pit in my stomach, wishing that I could go back and start the day over. I was filled with regret.

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I've heard it said that everyone must choose one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. That really resonates with me. I get it. But I also think there's a third choice: Mercy. Grace. Forgiveness. When we don't choose discipline and start to feel regret, God offers us new mercies. Every single morning.

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He offers us hope and love and mercy every single day, so that we don't have to wallow in the past, whether it is looming with darkness and hurts and sins or simply unfinished to-do lists and minor disappointments. 

Praise God that I don't have to live in regret, even when in the worldly sense that's where I should be. Praise Him that He makes every day new and gives me second and third and 562 and one million chances. Praise Him that although discipline is the better choice, and regret is real, He still invites me to live in the here and now and to dwell on what He is doing and has done, not what I have failed to do. His mercies are new every morning!

Comfort & Security

Comfort and security. Probably two of the biggest idols in my life. I love (like L.O.V.E. love) being comfortable and safe. Without pain or discomfort, awkwardness or over-exertion.

My obsession with comfort and security weaves itself through pretty much every sin in my life. When I'm fearful and not trusting God, it's often stemming out of discomfort or insecurity. When I'm angry, it's usually because somebody or something is messing with my comfort or security. When I'm discontent, it's mostly because I feel that my life isn't as comfortable or as secure as I would like it to be.

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Comfort and security. They're not bad things in and of themselves. But they become bad when I elevate them to a place of rulership in my life. When I put them above God, when I allow them to lead my life, my decisions, my mood, and thoughts.

But desiring comfort and security, it's partly how God made me. I was made to crave comfort and security, because He gives both. I just look for them in the wrong places.

On the Enneagram personality test I am a #7—The Enthusiast. Here's what I read about The Enthusiast.

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

That's me. To a tee. I could have told you that exactly before reading the results on the test. But these results, they are completely my flesh. They are me without Jesus, me without the hope and life and joy and peace that He alone offers.

Yes, when I am living according to the flesh I seek my own desires, I fulfill my own needs, I avoid deprivation and pain at all costs. But when I live according to the Spirit, I count others as better than myself. I seek to serve others and fulfill their needs. I don't worry about protecting myself because I know that God is doing that for me. I don't worry about being deprived because I know that I have everything in Christ and that earthly things don't matter in comparison to that.

So how do I put comfort and security back in their rightful place? How do I remove them from the throne of my life? I don't really have the full answer yet. But I do know that it includes prayer, and being aware of when I am letting them rule. It includes humility and asking for help and lots of heart change. It includes the power of God in me making me more like His Son, Jesus. More dependent on Him, and less dependent on these things that in the end, aren't even real. The only real comfort and security come from being in God. And I think it looks a whole lot different than I imagine it. The journey continues... Jesus, take me deeper.

Giving "Responsibly"

Loverboy and I have been talking a lot lately about the tension between extravagant generosity and wisely planning for our future. I feel like there shouldn't be a tension, like we can totally do both. We just haven't quite figured it out yet.

We really want to obey God in this area of our lives (along with all others) and just aren't sure what it looks like in real life. We know that giving generously and cheerfully is a good thing and will only be met with God's delight, but we also have a strong desire to be "financially responsible" and save for the future. But what is financial responsibility? Especially in the Kingdom of God? So many questions! So, tension.

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But then I read quotes like this and think, "Yeah! That's what it's all about! Let's give, baby, let's give!"

No one has ever become poor by giving. —Anne Frank 

But then I realize there is never going to be a day when I stand before God and He looks at me and says, 'I wish you would have kept more for yourself.' I'm confident that God will take care of me. —David Platt, Radical 

Generosity is what keeps the things we own from owning us. —Eugene Cho, Overrated

But then I think about being financially responsible again, and Dave Ramsey, and being able to provide for our family, and I'm all like "ok, yes, let's give, but let's do so responsibly." Which then leads me right back to the question of what does giving "responsibly" look like?

So all that to say, we still haven't come to any great solutions or had any big epiphanies... we're still just trying to figure this out. Honesty at it's finest. Thanks for letting me process!

Does anyone else struggle with this tension? How have you gone about reconciling these two ideas in your own life? Any good verses for us?

Love Does.

A couple years back I read an incredible book called Love Does by Bob Goff. And even though it's been awhile, the ideas and words from that book have really stuck with me. My favorite idea that he talks about is loving inefficiently... when it isn't convenient for you. I've collected some favorite quotes from his book, but if I were you, I would go to the library, Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, or some other place of books and get it right away! You won't regret it. Pinky promise.

“...we need to stop plotting the course and instead just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the "do" part of faith. That’s because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.” 

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“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter.” 

“I learned that faith isn’t about knowing all of the right stuff or obeying a list of rules. It’s something more, something more costly because it being present and making a sacrifice. Perhaps that’s why Jesus is sometimes called Immanuel - “God with us.” I think that’s what God had in mind, for Jesus to be present, to just be with us. It’s also what He has in mind for us when it comes to other people.”

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“Living a life fully engaged and full of whimsy and the kind of things that love does is something most people plan to do, but along the way they just kind of forget. Their dreams become one of those "we'll go there next time" deferrals. The sad thing is, for many there is no "next time" because passing on the chance to cross over is an overall attitude toward life rather than a single decision.” 

“Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice.” 

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“I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them.” 

“I think God sometimes uses the completely inexplicable events in our lives to point us toward Him. We get to decide each time whether we will lean in toward what is unfolding and say yes or back away."

“Be inefficient with your love. The more in-efficient, the better. It would have been a lot more efficient for God to not send Jesus to die for us. That was very inefficient love. But so sweet and so tender.”

Lessons Learned From A Weekend We Didn't Expect

This past weekend, our plans were to drive to Milwaukee for a wedding and then come back on Sunday. But, just in case you didn't check Facebook this weekend, here's a little recap of the super great weekend we ended up having:

So to sum up, we drove 4 hours, broke down, spent 4 hours at a tiny gas station trying to get a tow (thus missing the wedding), spent 40 more hours in Wisconsin waiting for our car to get fixed, found out it was a problem too big [read:expensive] to fix, rented a car, and drove 4 hours back home. Awesome. Weekend. As Bri says, it would have saved a lot of time and money if we would have just gone outside on Saturday, set his car on fire, and then gone back inside. Touché. 

However, that is not what happened, so therefore we now have this story to tell. This story that includes tears (I held it together pretty well most of the time), gas station food, an hour and a half of being on hold with Discover, sitting in a cold car while one of my dear friends walked down the aisle, losing a beloved car, missing plans with good friends, and renting a car 2 weeks before we both turn 25 (ergh!). 

But it's also a story that includes the sovereignty of our God. Our car stopped running literally a block away from a gas station (rather than the highway), the gas station attendant was super helpful and nice (even when we were basically loitering in his store for 4 hours), our friends came and saved us with their AAA (and let us crash at their place all weekend), and so many other small (and big) blessings along the way. 

So here are a few lessons we learned from our little adventure:

1. Hold your expectations loosely. I titled this post "Lessons Learned From A Weekend We Didn't Expect" because that's exactly what this past weekend was... something we didn't expect. It was a disappointment in many ways and didn't go at all how we planned. But the situation only got more frustrating as I tried to hold on to my expectations with all my might. As I felt like I had a right to the plans we had made, the disappointment only grew more strong. But when I started to let go of those plans and embrace the direction God had us on, my attitude changed drastically and I was able to enjoy the moments that were joyful.

2. Focus on the positive. Be thankful. As you can tell from my two lists above—one filled with all the sad, bad, and mad things we had to deal with, and the other filled with all the graces we encountered throughout the ordeal—perspective can really change a situation. As much as we wanted to wallow in the suckiness that was our weekend, both Bri and I made it a point to try and dwell on the positive things that were happening and be thankful for how God was so plainly providing for us. And when we did? It made all the difference.

3. Have a sense of humor. Don't take things too seriously. Be against the problem, not each other. It was really easy to get wound up in this stressful, time-sensitive situation, and then take that out on each other. But after awhile, I think we both realized that it wasn't the end of the world, and that if we had a sense of humor about it, everything would feel much less heavy. I joked that this weekend was a test of our marriage and we passed, but really, it was a test of how well we handle stress and "emergency" situations. 

Bonus Lesson: Emergency funds are good. This whole situation is SO much less stressful since we aren't freaking out about finances. For now, we've decided to try out the whole one-car family deal, and so far the first couple days have gone well! But we are aware that we will probably want to replace that car eventually (maybe before next winter), and it's so nice to not have to wonder where it's coming from. Thanks Dave Ramsey!

So hopefully you had a less disastrous weekend then we did, and can instead learn these lessons second-hand. You're welcome. :)

Attributes of God // Sovereign

I recently joined a Titus 2 Group at my church—basically a small group of young women being mentored by one or two older women. We meet once a month to discuss a book, and the group I joined is reading The Attributes of God by Arthur Pink. Our first meeting was last night, and beforehand we were given this quote and asked if we agreed with it or not, and if so, why.

“An unknown God can neither be trusted, served, nor worshipped.” —Arthur Pink

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I agree. But why? Why is it so important to know the God that we claim to trust, serve, and worship? If we don't know Him, who He is, His character and ways, then we have ...

+ No grounds to trust
+ No motivation to serve
+ No reason to worship

Even looking at one of the countless characteristics of God brings us to a place where we have something to stand on when it comes to relating to Him. We know a piece of Him [even it it is a teeny tiny piece!] and therefore have grounds to trust Him, motivation to serve Him, and reason to worship Him.

For example, I love that God is sovereign because it means that God is in control. He has the final say in what happens and has the complete power to make it happen. He knows what's going to happen before it does, and despite our efforts to control situations, He is the one that ultimately decides how things are going to go. Thinking on this makes me love God more. It helps me trust Him because I know He is in control, I am motivated to serve Him because I know that my future is safe in His hands, and ultimately, these truths give me reason to worship Him!

[Side note: As I think on God's sovereignty, a little part of my brain questions "But what about free will?? What about us getting to make our own choices?" And I don't really have an answer to that or really know how God's sovereignty exists within the same reality that free will does, but I do know that it does. And that's enough for me. It might not be enough for those of you who like lengthy explanations, thorough research, and facts to back it up, but for me, it's enough. It's enough to know that, yes, I do have choices, but that ultimately my life is in the hands of my Creator. That brings me peace.]

As we get to know God better, as He reveals more of His character, we come to love Him more. As we love Him more, we can then trust, serve, and worship Him.

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So why not grab your Bible and a journal and think about an attribute of God that you are grateful for. Think about some characteristic of God that makes you love Him more. Something that brings you to trust, serve, and worship Him. Explore it. Then revel in the awesomeness of our God. He is mighty, trustworthy, faithful, powerful, loving, just, merciful, wise, holy, infinite, gracious, righteous, unchanging, good, self-sufficient, jealous, all-knowing, compassionate, and so much more! What attribute of God is most precious to you right now?

3 Steps to Stop Being a Good Christian

1. Read this article.

2. Listen to this song:

[soak in the lyrics... especially those last lines "Maybe do's and don'ts were made to show how much we do and don't ever make it"]

3. Repent. Stop trying. Enjoy freedom and true life in Jesus' love. Live loved.

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It's OK to Not Know What You Want to Be When You Grow Up

I never thought I'd be sitting at a computer for 8 hours a day doing Graphic Design again. Not after two summers of mindless computer-staring at my university job. The job that undoubtedly helped me get through school with less debt, introduced me to incredible people, and had it's own handbag of perks.

But after those two summers and 5 semesters of being a Graphic Designer and 4 years of studying it, I didn't really think I'd do it again (ironic, eh?). But here I am again, doing design for a church, this time, instead of a university, but design nonetheless. A job that I am so incredibly grateful to have, a job where I have met amazing people, a job that has connected the hubs and I to an amazing church family. But still, I don't see myself here for years on end.

So I find myself a bit distracted—one minute I'm all researching what it would take to be a home-stager and looking into Interior Design programs, and the next minute I'm making grandiose plans to go to grad school for counseling. And then the next minute everything seems too hard or expensive so I just sit there. I feel like a little bit of a mess.

But I guess it all boils down to the fact that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

And that's OK.

Yeah, I have lots of things I really enjoy, but none of them seem viable for a career. So I sit and I stare at a computer screen for 8 hours a day because that is where God currently has me. I sit there and work to further His kingdom in the way, time, and place that He has me. He's writing my story, and although I wouldn't have imagined me back here, He knew all along. That's why after my 2 years on staff with The Navigators He began to stir my heart again for this thing called Graphic Design, even when I had basically sworn it off 2 years previous [did I mention you have to stare at a screen for 8 hours a day?!]. He began to bring back my desire and drive for this profession. And I know He did it for a reason. If even for the people we've met because of this opportunity.

But you know what else? You know what keeps me going besides the fact that I know that God has me right where He wants me? It's a job. And I think sometimes we (especially my generation) can put too much weight on doing what you L.O.V.E. for your profession. Don't get me wrong—I think that's awesome if you've found your passion and profession in one place. But I don't think it happens all the time to everyone for their whole life. Maybe it takes years of trying out different things. Maybe it requires going back to school. Maybe you find it for a bit but then it slips away for awhile. Maybe it never really happens to you.

But there is still room to be faithful and a hard worker and happy with your work situation, even if it isn't your dream. Even if you said you would never do it and yet there you find yourself. Even if you are searching and dreaming and wondering if there's something out there that would suit you better. Because true joy doesn't come from our day job. True joy comes from full life in Jesus. And we can have full life in Him regardless of our jobs.

We can be faithful and go to work with a good attitude, knowing that we can serve our bosses, love our co-workers, and shine Jesus in our work place. Plus, God is the best networker I know and he can pull strings like a boss. ;) So we don't have to give in to anxiety over what's next, if we're feeling like 'here' isn't forever.

And even if we don't know what we want to be when we grow up, that's OK. Because God is writing our story and HE knows what we're going to be when we grow up. And He has placed us where we are now to be there and shine Him.

P.S. I really liked this quote from a Relevant article on chasing your dreams— "Just like we're being transformed into God's image in steps—from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18)—we don't achieve the dream God's given us all at once." Now if only I could find that dream... but that's for another day I suppose.

I Will Choose

Back in the vault, from January 2, 2012 ...

Today I was journaling and thought of how often I choose NOT to live in the power of the Holy Spirit. So often I choose weakness, fear, hate, and sin over Jesus. But I have the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead inside of me. I have that same power. I don't have to live in slavery to my flesh and the things of this world. I can live in the power of the Holy Spirit, or in the weakness and darkness of my flesh. I have a choice. 


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Jesus, today I choose to live in the power of your Holy Spirit. 

I will choose...
love over contempt
peace over fear
forgiveness over judgement
truth over lies
surrender over control
purpose over apathy
faith over doubt
selflessness over selfishness
dialogue over monologue
God-pleasing over people-pleasing
trust over mistrust
praise over complaints
self-love over self-pity
your will over my will
belief over unbelief
changed heart over behavior modification
wisdom over foolishness
contentment over jealousy
victory over defeat
honesty over denial
boldness over trembling
doing over hearing
obedience over disobedience
clarity over confusion
patience over impatience
joy over despair
self-control over self-indulgence
righteousness over unrighteousness
freedom over slavery
relationship over religion
real over fake
purity over impurity
repentance over stubbornness
vulnerability over self-protection
gentleness over harshness
thanksgiving over discontentment
encouragement over gossip
people over things
feeling over numbness
your opinion over others' opinions
passion over laziness
depth over surface
acceptance over cynicism
humility over pride
discernment over uncertainty
strength over powerlessness
grace over legalism
dependence on you over dependence on others or myself
serving over competition
holiness over ungodliness
serenity over stress
growth over staleness
redemption over condemnation
life over death
you, Jesus, over the world.
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What do you need to choose today? The ones I feel most convicted by as of late are "selflessness over selfishness," "changed heart over behavior modification," "contentment over jealousy," "passion over laziness," and "growth over staleness." Why don't you ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you one (or a few) that He wants you to embrace. 

Lessons From Rush Hour Traffic

Yesterday I was sitting in rush hour traffic at 5pm. Radio up, windows down (just kidding! It was raining and cold and dark because we live in the great white NORTH!). Anyway... I used to get super duper annoyed during rush hour and would have a sour attitude the whole drive home. But then I decided that's a not-so-wonderful way to end my day/start my evening 3 days a week, so I decided to change my attitude about rush hour.

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I used to not want to let people in, especially those people who totally skip the whole forever-long line to get onto the interstate—those people that accelerate past you, only to cut in right as the entrance ramp approaches. Those people who don't use their blinker. Those people who make you miss the green light by one car. ONE CAR, people!

So I could choose to see these people as selfish jerks, OR I could choose to see them as children of God who are in a hurry to get home. I could see it as an opportunity to love and bless them because, who knows? Maybe they are even more excited to get home to their hunny than I am (doubtful), or maybe their babysitter will charge them an extra hour if they are 5 minutes late. Or maybe their commute is a lot longer than mine and they just want to get home and relax because they had a really terrible day at the office.

But whatever the reason they are in such a rush, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is my attitude toward them. I can get angry and bitter and self-righteous about my polite driving compared to theirs, or I could just have grace toward them. I could show them love and let them in and maybe make their day a little better and hopefully they'll pass that on.

And all of this makes driving home just a little bit better. It gives rush hour traffic a little more meaning in my mind, and if anything can make rush hour better, then hey, I'll take it.

So what opportunities do you have today to love and bless others when what you really want to do is get even or get mad? How can you change your attitude about a situation today? How can you show someone grace today? Even if it's as small as letting someone cut in front of you with a smile on your face—you know what they say—ya' gotta start somewhere.