Comfort and security. Probably two of the biggest idols in my life. I love (like L.O.V.E. love) being comfortable and safe. Without pain or discomfort, awkwardness or over-exertion.
My obsession with comfort and security weaves itself through pretty much every sin in my life. When I'm fearful and not trusting God, it's often stemming out of discomfort or insecurity. When I'm angry, it's usually because somebody or something is messing with my comfort or security. When I'm discontent, it's mostly because I feel that my life isn't as comfortable or as secure as I would like it to be.
Comfort and security. They're not bad things in and of themselves. But they become bad when I elevate them to a place of rulership in my life. When I put them above God, when I allow them to lead my life, my decisions, my mood, and thoughts.
But desiring comfort and security, it's partly how God made me. I was made to crave comfort and security, because He gives both. I just look for them in the wrong places.
On the
Enneagram personality test I am a
#7—The Enthusiast. Here's what I read about The Enthusiast.
Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled
That's me. To a tee. I could have told you that exactly before reading the results on the test. But these results, they are completely my flesh. They are me without Jesus, me without the hope and life and joy and peace that He alone offers.
Yes, when I am living according to the flesh I seek my own desires, I fulfill my own needs, I avoid deprivation and pain at all costs. But when I live according to the Spirit, I count others as better than myself. I seek to serve others and fulfill their needs. I don't worry about protecting myself because I know that God is doing that for me. I don't worry about being deprived because I know that I have everything in Christ and that earthly things don't matter in comparison to that.
So how do I put comfort and security back in their rightful place? How do I remove them from the throne of my life? I don't really have the full answer yet. But I do know that it includes prayer, and being aware of when I am letting them rule. It includes humility and asking for help and lots of heart change. It includes the power of God in me making me more like His Son, Jesus. More dependent on Him, and less dependent on these things that in the end, aren't even real. The only real comfort and security come from being in God. And I think it looks a whole lot different than I imagine it. The journey continues... Jesus, take me deeper.
