Why The Hubs & I Go To Bed At The Same Time

Alright, things are about to get personal around here. Today I want to share with you why Brian and I make it a point to go to bed at the same time every night. Now please Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to judge what you and your spouse do and what works for your lives, but I do want to give you a few reasons in favor of having the same bedtime as your spouse.

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1. Pillow Talk
One of my favorite parts of college was those unintentional late night chats with the roomie, whether they were about the flavor of ice cream served at the caf that night or the meaning of life. It seems that some of the best conversations happened in the dark, as we both lay there in our beds. And I'm happy to say that that hasn't changed in marriage! Brian and I have some of our best connecting of the day at bedtime, without the distractions of others or the TV or phones. It's just us and the dark, and sometimes that dark makes it easier to delve into the heavier topics as well. If for no other reason to go to bed at the same time, pillow talk would be reason enough for me!

2. Warmth
Uh, helloooo. Human bodies are warm. Especially boy bodies. And in the dead of winter, in our drafty old house, I am soooo grateful for my husbands warm body beside me so I can warm my ice-cold feet on his legs. Poor guy. He's such a champ. 

3. Cultivating Intimacy
The need for warmth leads to cuddling, and sometimes cuddling leads to more (sorry siblings/anyone who doesn't want to think about this, but yes, it's part of marriage). Plus, even when the cuddling doesn't lead to more, it still leads to feeling close, not only physically, but also emotionally, especially for those who have a high physical touch love language. There's not much I love more than being held in my hubby's arms at the end of a long day (I told you it was going to get personal!). Going to bed at the same time also helps cultivate our spiritual intimacy, as it's the one consistent time that we pray with each other.

4. Creating routines together
Brian and I live with the mindset that if we can do it together, why not? That includes household chores like laundry and dishes, hobbies, ministry, international trips ;), errands, and more! Sure, we both have responsibilities and activities that the other isn't involved in, but we like each other so we spend our time together if we can. And that includes bedtime. For all of the above reasons.

So there you have it! A few reasons that I L-O-V-E going to bed at the same time as my hubby. What about you? Do you and your spouse share a bedtime?

P.S. Read about how we're trying out a new rhythm for our evenings this year.

Creating a New Rhythm for Our Evenings

We're about two weeks into this whole 2016 thing, and so far it's going pretty well, besides the raging cold that I've had ALL YEAR LONG! (Doesn't it just sound so much more dramatic that way??) Anyway... one of my big goals for this year is to read more. I even shared 16 books that I want to read this year (and I've found more since then... help me!).

So when Loverboy and I sat down on January 2 to do our annual Looking Back & Looking Ahead New Year's Date (yes, it's official because it's capitalized), we talked about ways that we can actually make this whole reading thing happen. Because it did not happen last year, and legend has it that if you keep doing the same old things then you better expect the same old results. So something had to change.

We decided that although we love our TV shows, that they were kind of dominating our evenings, and when given the choice between vegging in front of the TV or actually turning on our brains and reading something... guess which one we most often chose?

Our solution? One hour of technology-free wind-down time before bed. So that means that usually sometime around 9pm we're heading upstairs to read for a bit before bed, which is so relaxing! And it also means that we usually get more talk-time in since we're not staring at a screen right up until we climb the stairs to fall into bed.

We've decided this will be a weeknight only thing, so we can still totally binge late into the night on a Friday night if we want to (phew!). So far we are loving having the extra time to relax before bed, take a break from technology, and start chipping away at my over-zealous 2016 reading list (already half way through For The Love!).

One practical change we made for this new rhythm to really take hold was getting a new headboard. Our old headboard was a cute little brass one that I hunted down on Craigslist that was totally adorable but so not practical for sitting and reading in bed. You had to stuff 5 pillows behind you to have any chance at being comfortable and not sliding through the bars. And reading in bed is probably my most favorite place to read, so this was an important part of the change.

So what 2016 goals do you have that you could work into your day by creating a new rhythm? What practical step can you take (even if it means biting the bullet and spending a little bit of dough) that could help you reach your goal? Why not keep riding the January New Year momentum and make a change today?

Just Say It

I can be awkward with words. As far as love languages go, words are near the bottom for me. I can have a hard time expressing love, comfort, appreciation, and gratitude through words. (I personally think it all started when I was a toddler and would grunt and point at what I wanted and my sisters would oblige and thus crippled me for life. JK, sorta...)

So when I married a man that had words at the top of his love language list (like many men do), I was like... uhhhhhh. Anyone else there with me? 

But I feel like this is something that I have definitely been growing in—how to not be as awkward about affirming this guy of mine, or at least pushing through the awkwardness and just saying it anyway. 

So today, when I stumbled across this article on 24 honest phrases we need to say to each other more often I felt like I had struck gold (or found that killer high-end brand-name score at the thrift store... ya know, to each his own).

So things like "I don't know what to say, but I'm here" and "what can I do to support you?" and "I disagree but I still love you" are like little nuggets of awesome thrift-store finds for my vocabulary. They help me see that loving, affirming, comforting, they don't have to be awkward, but instead can be super simple phrases that mean a lot to the people that I say them to.

So next time that I'm not sure what to say, or feel like my words don't mean that much, I'm going to try some of these phrases. I'm going to be honest with how I'm feeling and just say it—awkward or not.

One Year Staycation

Yesterday marked one year of being married to Loverboy. 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, one year. And it feels like just yesterday that we were standing at the altar, shivering as we read each other our vows on that chilly but beautifully bright day.

We had gone back and forth on how we wanted to spend our first anniversary, with thoughts of a nearby Bed & Breakfast or AirBnB. We even tossed around the idea of going to NYC or Washington D.C. for the weekend when Frontier flights were so cheap. But we eventually landed on staying home and enjoying a relaxing staycation. And I am SO glad that we did! We had just come off a series of busy out-of-town weekends, and staying home was just what we needed! So here's a glimpse at what we did, along with our recommendations for your very own staycation!

Friday night we enjoyed sushi happy hour at Wakame Sushi & Asian Bistro. This is the best sushi happy hour in the Cities, in my humble opinion. The selection is amazing, the atmosphere warm, and the prices affordable. We especially loved the Tootsie Roll (the middle crispy-looking roll in the middle of the plate).

After happy hour we headed to the Minneapolis Institute of Art (MIA). We enjoyed perusing through the maze of paintings, sculptures, artifacts, and other pieces of art. Since it was a Friday night, there were only a few other people there, so it felt like we had the place to ourselves! Saturday morning we slept in and then headed to Colossal Cafe in St. Paul for a crazy-filling brunch. We shared the Spinach Artichoke Feta Frittata and the Apple Walnut Brie Flappers. Both dishes were amazing and we got out of there in under $20! Score!

After brunch we headed to the Science Museum. It was a blast watching Brian get into all the experiments and explain the science behind each one to me. The museum is currently switching their special exhibits and the omnitheatre was also closed, so we had yet another place mostly to ourselves. It was nice to enjoy the museum without the crowds. 

Sunday we went to Fogo de Chao for lunch, which was something that Brian was really looking forward to. Seeing as I'm not the biggest fan of meat, a Brazilian steakhouse wasn't quite as exciting to me, but the sides and salad bar were amazing! We did some shopping around Downtown and Uptown, then headed to a park to toss around some styrofoam airplanes I got at the Dollar Tree. We spent the rest of Sunday relaxing and going in and out of food comas. :) The weekend was the perfect mix of delicious food, relaxation, and exploration. We both got to experience new things and still enjoy our tried and true favorites. So there you have it! Some amazing restaurants to try out, as well as a couple museums that are fun to peruse through.Happy one year, babe. It's been an awesome adventure, and I'm excited to see what year two brings!

Two Years Ago Today [On Taking Risks]

Two years ago today, a very nervous, very sweaty Loverboy asked me to go steady with him (well, those might not have been his exact words, but I'm allowed a bit of creative license, right?).

I remember feeling nervous, and a little sweaty myself (it WAS in the middle of July), and very unsure about this whole getting serious thing. But I also remember that I had just recently had a talk with a friend that if Brian would want to make our friendship more of a "relationship," that even if I wasn't sure, I would still say yes, just to give it a chance. I would say yes to see where it went, because I sure didn't want to regret saying no later and never knowing what could have been.

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And I can say that 8 1/2 months of dating, 5 1/2 months of engagement, and 10 months of marriage later, I am SO glad that I said yes! I am so glad that I went out on a ledge and jumped, even when I wasn't 100% sure. I'm so glad that I tried something that was scary and unknown. I'm so glad that I took a risk.

Because yes, we could have totally not worked out, and that could have been heartbreaking. We could have awkwardly broken up two weeks later and had to go through the whole tell your friends and answer uncomfortable questions phase. We could have, but we didn't. And we would have never known if Loverboy hadn't taken the risk to ask, and if I hadn't taken the risk to say yes.

Now you may get the idea that this post is all about how you should go ask that girl out, or always say yes to some relationship proposal. But that is NOT the point of this post. (Phew!) The point is this—risks are so worth it. Because in the end, whether things end up like you hoped they would or not, you have learned something. You have relied on God as the only one who knows how this whole thing was going to end up, and your faith will be strengthened because of it.

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So what risk can you take today? This week? This year? What is something that is a little outside of your comfort zone, that you aren't 100% sure about, that could end up awfully—but could also end of wonderfully—that you could do?

"To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then to watch him come through. He starts to get real when you live like that." —Jennie Allen's professor, from her book Anything.

So go out there and take a risk today. Who knows, it may lead you to a spouse who is altogether more than you dreamed of. ;)

Our #keepthelovealive Retreat & How to Plan Your Own

Last weekend Loverboy and I went on a #keepthelovealive Retreat. I named them this because before we were even married we were told to take time alone every few months to just get away and be intentional. So we're keeping the love alive, yes?

This time around we hit up Airbnb (which is awesome and I'm totally sold on and can't wait to use again!) and found a secluded cabin on Bass Lake in New Richmond, WI. It was super beautiful and the perfect little spot for a quick getaway. We left Friday morning and came back Saturday afternoon, so it was just over 24 hours. 

We spent a lot of time reading, praying, and talking, either cuddled up on the cozy couches, enjoying the view from the deck, or walking through the country neighborhood or near the lake. We enjoyed the hot tub and grill, and explored an antique shop in Hudson before our dinner at a local Caribbean restaurant. 

All-in-all, it was wonderful, and I highly recommend doing something similar if you are married. Get away for 24 hours or a long weekend and spend some extended intentional time with your spouse. But you might be wondering just exactly how to go about this, or what we did during our time. Well then, read on!

{ain't he handsome??

Here are just a few tips for having your very own #keepthelovealive retreat ...

1. Have a plan

It was super helpful for us to set aside some time before the weekend and plan out things we wanted to do, read, talk about, pray for, etc. We brought along a couple marriage books and read and talked though some of them, and we had time set aside for time with the Lord alone, and time together. We read through and discussed this ebook, 5 Simple Marriage Tools. We also brought a couple games and planned to watch a movie. 

2. Get on the same page

It's important that as you plan this retreat that you and your spouse are on the same page with your priorities and expectations for the time. Sit down and write down or talk about what each of you are hoping to gain from the retreat. If one of you is looking forward to relaxing and laying around all day while the other can't wait to go hiking and do a bunch of activities, it's going to be a tough realization once the time comes.

3. Keep it affordable... or don't!

You can totally make a retreat affordable! We did so by using Airbnb and keeping it to one night. Other than the expense of where we stayed, we just had to pay for a dinner out and that was it. Easy, peasey. But, if you have the funds, and you want to, why not splurge and spoil your spouse a bit? Just make sure it's in the budget! ;)

I really do hope that you go on your very own #keepthelovealive retreat. And it can totally be themed too! This retreat we focused on our marriage (duh), but we also focused on justice and human trafficking, both in our praying and time with the Lord, and with our conversation and planning with each other. It's cool to see how the Spirit leads when you let Him.

P.S. Do you follow me on instagram? If not, first of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, you should! All these photos are from my instagram, so just imagine! You could have followed along for all the #keepthelovealive goodness in real time. Next time, friend. Next time.

6 Months

Six wonderful beautiful months with Loverboy today. Time to break out the wedding cake from the freezer! [Just say NO to freezer-burned year-old cake!] This month of marriage has been a whirlwind! It started out with a bit of a trial in missing a dear friend's wedding due to a dead car, but has been filled with SO many good things—a marriage retreat, both our birthdays, family in town, lots of fun dates, and a Pentatonix Concert! We've definitely grown in our knowledge of each other this month, and have gotten sweet glimpses of the Lord working as well. 

So to celebrate these 6 months of marriage, I want to share a couple of my favorite quotes on marriage by Tim Keller, from his book The Meaning of Marriage.

“The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us.”

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.”

“Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!” 

My Husband Is The Best [5 Months]

My husband is the best. No, seriously. He loves me in ways that no other human being ever will be able to. I mean, the man has to live with me 24/7 for the rest of his life. 24/7, you guys. [Those of you who have lived with me for any amount of time know how daunting of a task that is.]

But he really is the best. He warms up the sheets for me before I get in bed. He turns the heat up for me before I wake up. He makes me popcorn—the good way—whenever I want it. He cleans my hair out of the shower drain (bless him). He touches the raw meat. And he does all this because he loves me and knows it will bless me.

But he also reminds me to pray. He asks me hard questions. He calls me out when my sassiness is approaching meanness. He challenges me. And he does all this because he loves me and knows it will bless me.

This month has been pretty normal-life-busy. Nothing too extraordinary. Which makes me even more thankful for these little things that are actually really big things that my BEST husband does to bless my heart.

So thank you, boo, for being you. [A little bit o' cheese for your Valentine's weekend!]

5 Unique Valentine's Day Date Ideas

So, in case you are unaware, this weekend is Valentine's Day! [Men... don't panic, you still have a few days to pull something together for your sweetie!] I love Valentine's Day because 1) I love love 2) It's an excuse to be cheesy romantic 3) It's a day set apart to express your love for others. What's not to love? Even if you don't have a special someone in your life, why not grab a friend and have a Galentine's Day date? 

If you're not quite sure what to do this Valentine's Day, then read on for 5 fun, unique date ideas!

1. Dinner & Games at Dave & Busters

If you've never been to a Dave & Busters, I'd highly recommend it for an action-packed, competitive date night! Loverboy had a blast flying planes, riding motorcycles, shooting the bad guys, and more at this Adult "Chuck E. Cheese." We did the "Eat & Play" combo which allowed us to choose from a large selection of entrees and then gave us each a $10 play card for the arcade area. Such an awesome date night that both of us will remember for awhile.

2. Have a TV Show Themed Dinner
Loverboy and I adore the show Parks & Recreation. Recently, the last season premiered, so we decided to make a date out of it and make a breakfast for dinner that Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson would be proud of. Waffles and bacon, people. Waffles and bacon. Why not choose your favorite TV show or movie and make a themed night out of it, complete with the characters' favorite foods?

3. Visit the St. Paul Cathedral
Or, ya know, find some similar place in your city. The cathedral is free and open to visitors, and is a fun way to pass an hour or two. We checked out a little diner nearby for lunch on MLK day, then headed to the Cathedral to take in the incredible architecture. Plus, it was fun to have to be sneaky quiet while we were hyped up on a day off.

4. Go iceskating
A Classic winter date. BUT, made so much better when it's a couple blocks from your house at a free park that provides free skates, popcorn, hot cocoa, and s'mores! Not even joking! Check out this schedule to find parks near you in the Cities and when they are open for what type of skating. In case you're curious, Windom Park is where we went with all the awesome amenities.

5. Dinner out at a new restaurant

This is what we'll be doing for Valentine's Day. Well, technically one of my besties is getting married on V Day, so we're datin' it up on Friday. We will be checking out Masu Sushi, which is in NE Minneapolis and was voted best Sushi in the Cities! 

Obviously, all of these dates would be awesome for any day, not just Valentine's Day, so why not put some of them on the calendar, or better yet, surprise your love?

What are your Valentine's Day plans? 

Weekend Wrap-Up

Happy Friday friends! I don't know about you, but this week has felt long around here. I'm looking forward to a mentoring coffee tomorrow morning followed by another bachelorette party tomorrow night! Two of my dearest friends are getting married a week apart next month and the celebrations are flowing! I couldn't be happier for them and cannot wait for them to experience married life!

Do you have any fun plans for the weekend? Here are a few things I found on the interwebs this week. Enjoy!

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1// I found this article on 'The 36 Questions That Lead to Love' quite interesting. I'm secretly hoping to talk through a few of them with Loverboy tonight. There's always room to know more about the one that you already love!

2// I can't wait to try these copycat Trader Joe's "Gone Bananas!" I discovered these gems while babysitting and we got a couple boxes last time we were at TJ and they are so delightful! Unfortunately the store was out of the kind of coconut oil I needed yesterday, so it will have to wait until another trip.

3// This post on the 'Top 10 Ways to Make a Marriage Retreat Meaningful' will be very helpful as Loverboy and I look forward to our #keepthelovealive weekends [you can read more about when we went to Stillwater here]. Out first trip wasn't super intentional, but really good to have some time away with just us. But I am looking forward to some more intentional weekends in the future... and we are going to an actual marriage retreat next month in Red Wing that I am super pumped about!

4// One of my lovely friends, Andra is co-owner of With Grace and Gold, a business that "creates purposeful and authentic branding for small businesses." [They are super awesome, so ya'll should go see what they're all about!] Anyway, I love that they recently posted about ways to balance your time online (read: SOCIAL MEDIA!) and gave a couple of suggestions of websites/apps to control and track how much time you are spending on sites. Check it out!

Four Months

After three months of doing these monthly marriage posts, I have to say, they've accidentally become somewhat of a tradition and something that I look forward to every month. Taking a moment to look back on the previous 30 days to remember and be grateful. It's kinda nice.

So this fourth month of marriage started out with a night's stay at a B&B in Stillwater, MN. Which was sooooo wonderful and came at the perfect time right as Loverboy and I were both feeling a lot of job stress. We have been strongly encouraged by multiple different people to take a little getaway 2–4 times a year... just some time for the two of us to be intentional, reconnect, get away from all the hubbub of life, and work on our marriage.

This first trip was pretty chill and we didn't have a ton of super intense marriage building time, but just to get away and have fun together was so great. We stayed at the Ann Bean Mansion, dined at Marx Fusion Bistro, and got a private tour at the Warden's House Museum. We highly recommend all of those experiences! Also, I am officially dubbing these getaways as #keepthelovealive weekends. Just because hashtags are #ridiculous, but I still #lovethem.

Ann Bean Mansion

Marx Fusion Bistro

Warden's House Museum Tour

Other highlights included a small group Christmas party, finally getting my name put on our Wells Fargo account, tons of Christmas celebrations, a fancy dinner with friends, lots of good family time (especially with some sibs), the beginning of what I hope to be a decluttering trend for the year, an epic date night at Dave & Busters, trivia with the neighbor, and quite a few new recipes.

This was a pretty sweet month of lots of time together, learning how to spend lots of time together without getting on each other's nerves (ha!), dreaming of the future and asking God how he wants to use us, and learning more about communication and openness. All good things. Not all easy, but definitely good. :)

I love you hubs and am so grateful for another month together. You've got my heart, boi.

Three Months

Today I have been married to my Mr. for three months. A quarter of a year. And so far, it's been the best quarter of a year of my life! I'm waiting for that "the first year is the hardest" saying to kick in... but until it does, I'm just going to enjoy this little thing we've got going and continue to thank God for all he's given me.

This month has marked a lot of big milestones in our marriage.

I officially (and finally!) became Mrs. Heather Douglas to the government. Lemme tell ya'... if you're going to stand in line at the Social Security office in mid-teen weather a half an hour before they open, please for all that is good in the world, make sure you're standing in the right line. Not speaking from experience or anything.

Loverboy and I became members at our church. Putting down roots, getting involved, finding a family. These are good things, people.

We experienced our first nights apart—three in one week—one while Loverboy was in NY for business, and the other two when he went hunting with a friend in WI.

We had our first Thanksgiving as a married couple! We made mashed potatoes and stuffing for the Block Thanksgiving, and let's just say that we got a major stamp of approval from the grandma. :)

We got our first Christmas tree and decorated our place for Christmas as well as started an Advent tradition. Three cheers for family traditions! And the holidays! (duh.)

It's been a full, wonderful, busy, beautiful month. And tomorrow we head off on a little getaway that involves a mansion, some fine dining, tours of old houses, and breakfast in bed on Monday instead of going to work. Yep, I think the 4th month of marriage might be the best yet! :)

Best & Worst [Marriage Edition]

So a little over a year ago I wrote this post titled Best and Worst. It was based off this quote—"I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both," and was all about how we are called to love people in view of their flaws and shortcomings.

I wrote that post after being in my first real adult relationship for exactly six weeks and one day. And I didn't even know the half of it.

Because this first real adult relationship continued on for a year and 3 months to where I stand today and it has changed me.

When I wrote that post a couple months of marriage, 5 1/2 months of engagement, and 8 months of dating ago, the hubs really didn't know my best and worst, and I didn't know his. We were brand new to this whole relationship thing, plus we were long distance and had probably barely even spent much time together as a couple.

But I still loved this picture, this idea, of being loved and chosen by someone who knows your best and your worst. I mean, who wouldn't love that? Besides, of course, that it's terrifying to think of someone knowing you that well.



I loved it, but I didn't really know it. And although today I know it so much better than I did on that warm day in August, I know that I still don't even know the half of it. Because yeah, I've seen more of his best and worst, and you better believe he's seen more of mine (heavier on the worst), but I'm certain we still haven't seen it all. I'm certain that over the next weeks, months, and years more bests and worsts will come out, and ultimately, more bests and worsts will be born. Because this relationship, it's changing us.

So yes, I understand more deeply what it means to be known and loved. And it's a beautiful, sweet thing. It's a thing that wells up gratefulness in me. It leads me to worship my Savior who does it completely and perfectly and who also has gifted me with an imperfect but wonderful earthly expression of this knowing and loving.

But I also know that my understanding is so minuscule, so minute, compared to the grand scheme of it all. Because every day that I am on this earth my husband gets to see a little bit more of my best and worst, and he gets to continue to choose me, to choose both. And I get to do the same with him and we get to both experience this knowing and loving from the One who does it wholly and without reserve, Jesus.

And it's a really good thing that we have a perfect example to follow. Because this knowing and loving thing, it's hard. But it's so, so worth it.

//photos via Availeth Photography