Best & Worst [Marriage Edition]

So a little over a year ago I wrote this post titled Best and Worst. It was based off this quote—"I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both," and was all about how we are called to love people in view of their flaws and shortcomings.

I wrote that post after being in my first real adult relationship for exactly six weeks and one day. And I didn't even know the half of it.

Because this first real adult relationship continued on for a year and 3 months to where I stand today and it has changed me.

When I wrote that post a couple months of marriage, 5 1/2 months of engagement, and 8 months of dating ago, the hubs really didn't know my best and worst, and I didn't know his. We were brand new to this whole relationship thing, plus we were long distance and had probably barely even spent much time together as a couple.

But I still loved this picture, this idea, of being loved and chosen by someone who knows your best and your worst. I mean, who wouldn't love that? Besides, of course, that it's terrifying to think of someone knowing you that well.



I loved it, but I didn't really know it. And although today I know it so much better than I did on that warm day in August, I know that I still don't even know the half of it. Because yeah, I've seen more of his best and worst, and you better believe he's seen more of mine (heavier on the worst), but I'm certain we still haven't seen it all. I'm certain that over the next weeks, months, and years more bests and worsts will come out, and ultimately, more bests and worsts will be born. Because this relationship, it's changing us.

So yes, I understand more deeply what it means to be known and loved. And it's a beautiful, sweet thing. It's a thing that wells up gratefulness in me. It leads me to worship my Savior who does it completely and perfectly and who also has gifted me with an imperfect but wonderful earthly expression of this knowing and loving.

But I also know that my understanding is so minuscule, so minute, compared to the grand scheme of it all. Because every day that I am on this earth my husband gets to see a little bit more of my best and worst, and he gets to continue to choose me, to choose both. And I get to do the same with him and we get to both experience this knowing and loving from the One who does it wholly and without reserve, Jesus.

And it's a really good thing that we have a perfect example to follow. Because this knowing and loving thing, it's hard. But it's so, so worth it.

//photos via Availeth Photography

Grateful [Two Months]

It's November! [Yeah, Heather, we know... it has been for the last two weeks...] Which means that all things social media are oozing with posts and photos about what people are thankful for. So I thought today that I would jump on the bandwagon.

Today I am oh so very thankful for another month of life as the wife of Loverboy. I can't believe today marks two months of marriage for us, but as I reflect on the last month [you can read about our first month here], I can't help but be grateful.

We've hosted our small group for pumpkin carving, gone on the best double date ever (Nickelodeon Universe, anyone??), gone through the membership process for church, traveled to Nebraska for an early Thanksgiving, hung out with our neighbors, spent time with family, visited Eau Claire and spent a roaring time with a precious family, had people over for meals, and gone on multiple dates. Life is so full of so many good things.

But life isn't all daisies and butterflies. This last month has also included difficult conversations, annoying paperwork and phone calls in attempts to make our two lives one, disagreements, and just general learning to live together as husband and wife.

And through it all God has been so good. Through the sweet times and the hard times this month, God has been faithful in giving us grace for each other and teaching us how to love. One thing I know, the sweet times would not be so sweet and the hard times would be far harder without the loving grace of God to guide us and the stellar example of Jesus that we get to look to.

So although today I am oh so very thankful for this union with this boy, I am more thankful for the One who brought us together, wrote our story, and sustains us everyday. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Also, we're getting super good at taking selfies.

Lessons From Rush Hour Traffic

Yesterday I was sitting in rush hour traffic at 5pm. Radio up, windows down (just kidding! It was raining and cold and dark because we live in the great white NORTH!). Anyway... I used to get super duper annoyed during rush hour and would have a sour attitude the whole drive home. But then I decided that's a not-so-wonderful way to end my day/start my evening 3 days a week, so I decided to change my attitude about rush hour.

//via

I used to not want to let people in, especially those people who totally skip the whole forever-long line to get onto the interstate—those people that accelerate past you, only to cut in right as the entrance ramp approaches. Those people who don't use their blinker. Those people who make you miss the green light by one car. ONE CAR, people!

So I could choose to see these people as selfish jerks, OR I could choose to see them as children of God who are in a hurry to get home. I could see it as an opportunity to love and bless them because, who knows? Maybe they are even more excited to get home to their hunny than I am (doubtful), or maybe their babysitter will charge them an extra hour if they are 5 minutes late. Or maybe their commute is a lot longer than mine and they just want to get home and relax because they had a really terrible day at the office.

But whatever the reason they are in such a rush, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is my attitude toward them. I can get angry and bitter and self-righteous about my polite driving compared to theirs, or I could just have grace toward them. I could show them love and let them in and maybe make their day a little better and hopefully they'll pass that on.

And all of this makes driving home just a little bit better. It gives rush hour traffic a little more meaning in my mind, and if anything can make rush hour better, then hey, I'll take it.

So what opportunities do you have today to love and bless others when what you really want to do is get even or get mad? How can you change your attitude about a situation today? How can you show someone grace today? Even if it's as small as letting someone cut in front of you with a smile on your face—you know what they say—ya' gotta start somewhere.

30 Days and Counting

One month.

Four Weeks.

Thirty Days.

It's so close. 

This has been my mantra every day for the last couple months, and is even more important in this final month before our wedding...

I'm so super excited for the details. For the decorations, the food, the music. I can't wait for the photos, the dancing, the dress. But above and beyond [a million lightyears] all that is the moment that we vow our lives, our beings, our souls to each other for the rest of our days on this earth. The moment that we declare our decision to choose each other every day. That's what it's all about. And in front of God and our friends and family, we will covenant our lives to each other and we will celebrate [read: PARTY] and at the end of the day, we will be married. *insert happy dance here* 

Best and Worst

"I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both." How we as humans long to hear another human say that to us! How we long for deep, meaningful relationships, for intimacy, for love. How we ache to be known fully and still accepted, to be truly vulnerable before another and still embraced. To be unconditionally loved.

What a gift it is be loved this way. How rare and uncommon, yet beautiful. 

Unconditional love is not loving someone in spite of their flaws, mistakes, and imperfections, it's loving them in view of those flaws, mistakes, and imperfections. It's not ignoring their weaknesses and just loving their strengths, but choosing to love them- strengths, weaknesses, and all. 

Unconditional love is a choice we must make as we see the light and the dark in people. It's a choice that requires us to face the darkness inside ourselves. Because really, when we see others' imperfections we are often reminded of our own. So it's easier to sweep those flaws under the rug and just keep on loving that person, pretending that whatever we've just discovered about them doesn't exist.

But that's not really loving them. That's only loving a portion of them, a version of them that doesn't line up with reality. Truly loving someone involves acknowledging their imperfections, their flaws, their weaknesses and mistakes and saying "I see you as you truly are, and I still love you. I know what you've done, but that doesn't change my love for you. I want you in my life and I want to walk this path with you." 

Even as I write this I know it sounds impossible. I am overwhelmed by this kind of love we are called to show to our brothers and sisters. I wonder how I could ever get to a point where I am not constantly trying to self-protect, or numb out my own darkness, or live in a fantasy world where people don't hurt me. But I know it is possible. But not by my own strength. Not through my own energy that I conjure up.

This kind of love- this unconditional love for people in view of their imperfections and flaws is possible because God showed us this same love. He showed us His never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love by sending Jesus. And Jesus showed us this unconditional love that while we were still shaking our angry, entitled fists at God He chose to switch places with us and die, crushed by the weight of our sins, while we are given a new life, if we choose to believe.

And as we follow Jesus, we are called to this same love... this never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love. This love that loves in view of others' imperfections, not just in spite of.

1 John 3:16 
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

Urgency, not haste.

This is the last line of a Mumford and Sons song. And I find it so beautiful. This is how I want to love... with urgency, but not with haste.

I want people to know the Love of the Father, because it's the most important love they'll know. And it's urgent that they know it. I want to show it gently, and with passion. Quietly, and with shouts. Humbly, and as the only thing I can boast about.

I want to fill myself with this Love. Soak it in, drink it up, live in it. I want to depend on this Love more than any other love... any human love.

This Love. It's real. It's tender and fierce. It's the Love of a Father giving up His only son for us. For ME. It's a Love that was displayed for all mankind with urgency, but not with haste.

 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."
--John 3:16-17

Emmanuel

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us). -- Matthew 1:23 

Emmanuel: God with us.

That's a pretty mind-blowing concept if you really think about it. That the God of the universe would come to be with us. That the creator of all things would choose to live amongst the created. That the one true deity would put on humanity. Why?

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8

Not because of anything we have done, but because God loves us! Even in our sin and filth, he decided to send His son to be among us... God with us. This is love. This is Christmas.

Take a listen: